The 2004 edition of the Ryder Cup may now be forever known as "MacArthur Park at Oakland Hills" as someone - Mrs. Langer specifically - left the cake out too long for Bernhard (and evidently for Colin Montgomerie as well), as the oversized mass was consumed in short order by both men.
Players are now beginning to attribute the the unimaginable result from this past weekend's matches (the 24 1/2 to 3 1/2 result being the all-time largest differentiation in Ryder Cup history) to the seemingly innocent gesture put forth by Mrs. Langer as the Europeans were about to board their trans-Atlantic flight to Detroit last week.
Here, Bernie is pictured enjoying his mother's extra special Black Forest Gateaux. Little did he realize what the result of his mother's loving gesture would be.
In a surprizing development during the post-round press conferences, a sullen Padraig Harrington placed the demize of his squad squarely on the gateau. "I really couldn't believe it when I saw how much cake Bernhard was consuming," said Harrington. "He just kept eating and eating. All I could think of was that if we were about to enter some manner of cake-eating contest, we would be in good hands with Bernhard as our captain." The problem was of course, that they weren't entering a cake eating contest.
"The last time I saw forkfuls of desert that size was a couple of years ago at the International in Colorado, when Stadler was knee deep in yogenfruz," continued Harrington, referring to the now famous incident that saw Craig Stadler fall back under the spell of his previously exorcised demon. "I actually overheard Mrs. Langer warning him not to have too much cake before he boarded the plane. I caught a bit of something regarding an incident that occurred at his 11th birthday party, and a young Bernhard having to repeat the sixth grade, but I don't want to tell any tales out of school, so to speak."
"All Bernhard was been able to talk about during our team meetings was 'cake this, black forest that'," added Ryder Cup first-timer Luke Donald. "I think he was having a hard time controlling himself. He seemed completely distracted. Frankly, I thought he'd be telling us rookies how to handle the hostile American crowds, and maybe what shirt with what pants we should wear. Stuff like that."
In addition the now obvious affect the savoury delight had on Langer, the chocolate-stained collar of another European team member could not be ignored during the flight to Detriot. Formerly a Ryder Cup stalward, Colin Montgomerie was also under the spell of the devilish gateau, as witnessed by lanky vice-captain Thomas Björn.
"I first noticed his odd behaviour when we were on the plane - he was actually tipping the stewardesses. I've never seen Monty do such a kind thing before. At first I thought the combination of Cristal and caviar had the better of him, but now I remember the chocolate stains on his Ashworths. I really didn't think much it at the time, but when you consider it now, it's no wonder Monty kept conceeding his matches after just one hole of play."
When Montgomerie conceeded to a surprized Tiger Woods after just one hole of their singles match on Sunday, Woods told NBC reporter Roger Maltbie that "I was shocked by the concession, of course. I well and truly thought Monty was up for a duel, as he seemed to be eyeing me like he wanted to have me for dinner."
As it turns out, not for dinner, but perhaps for desert.
"Monty had the blind-staggers all weekend. He was going around apologizing to everyone he may have ever offended in his lifetime - including the American fans," said Björn. "It was quite bizzare."
The reprecussions from this year's Ryder Cup will certainly be felt in Europe, where a call for a ban on the now controversial, yet traditional Black Forest Cake, has already been brought down by the European Union.
